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Well, there you are. On the floor. Under my leather boot. Right where you belong. Mouth open. Hungrily awaiting my ash. Here, have some. Have some more, you sad little man. Is all that ash making you thirsty? I've got just the thing to help you wash it down - that's why spit was invented.

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You think I'm addicted to smoking - and, OK, I totally am - but you may have noticed I am also addicted to cute lil dresses. And one of the best things about summer is being able to wear cute dresses with my favorite fashion accessory. This video is actually FOUR VIDEOS: I smoke before work, I take a couple of smoke breaks, I chat with my neighbor - who thinks smoking stunted my growth; but I PREFER being "fun size" - and then, you guy will like this, after work I settle into my comfy smoking chair and open some presents. And ALL the presents ... are cigarettes! You may think this is my fantasy, but this really happened. Watch as a I cover myself with packs of cigarettes, brands I've (mostly) never tried - oh, but I will!

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Two things about Canada: We can't buy US cigarette brands. And our packs are mostly warning labels, pictures of diseases. So it's a treat for me to have my first Virginia Slims red in such an elegant pack. Watch me open the pack, light one up and give you my detailed, expert review. (You know I like strong, flavorful cigarettes.)

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When you're a smoking businesswoman, it's hard to find time and a place to smoke. This video is actually three videos in one - three cigarettes from one work day. All are outdoors in daylight - there's no smoking in the office. I'm wearing a cute, short, work-appropriate sweater-dress and you can see how hungrily I smoke, trying to give my lungs the nicotine they demand before I go back indoors. Anyway, enjoy spending time and having a few cigarettes with me while I smoke "in real life."

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Remember a week ago, when I stayed over and you let me wear your sweater, and I smoked in it in your bed after fun time and then again in the morning? Well, it happened again, didn't it? There's something about smoking in my man's sweater, it's so ... intimate. Cuz maybe the sweater starts off smelling kind of like you (and I like that smell) but after ... it definitely smells like me. And when you wear that sweater, you can't help smelling me, which makes you think of me, which makes you ... well, I know EXACTLY what happens to you (a certain part of you, lol) when you think of me. Even better, when you wear it to work, the girls in your office know: You're taken. A smoking girl has marked her territory - and it's YOU! Can't get any luckier than that.

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Summer is for one thing and one thing only and that's ... SMOKING in the great outdoors! In this collection, I smoke 4 count-em 4 cigarettes: 1) in a skimpy beach coverup 2) in a cute lil peach pattern swimsuit 3) in a tiny lil tie-dye mini-dress and 4) under my umbrella in thigh-high boots while it drizzles (hey, it's not sunny every day, especially in Canada, lol). It's 15 minutes of pretty smoking - hey, it's summertime and the smoking is easy, so join me!

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What's the perfect fashion accessory for a glamorous sparkly black outfit? You guessed it - a white cigarette with bright red lipstick stains. Hope you enjoy as much as I obviously did.

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I thought it would be nice to get thisclose to you while I smoke. So you can see and smell and taste everything. Stare into my big brown eyes. Watch the smoke pouring out of my pretty mouth. Breathe in every one of my exhales. I surround you with my smoke. You surrender willingly. Mmm, so good to be so close